The Grand Tour Series 1

The Grand Tour: Series 1, Episode 12 – [Censored] to [Censored]

  • The Grand Tour tent is once again in Loch Ness, Scotland.
  • Jeremy tests the Lexus GS F at the Eboladrome.
  • The boys travel through central Europe testing three SUVs – the Bentley Bentayga, Range Rover Autobiography and Jaguar F-Pace.


Sign up for Amazon Prime. For those who live in countries where Amazon Prime is not available, using a VPN service such as Pure VPN might help.

Episode Guide

The tent remains at the west end of Loch Ness because Hammond and May are convinced that the Loch Ness Monster is deep in the water. Clarkson test drives the Lexus GS-F, driving past many animal-like figures.

The presenters travel to Wank, Germany, where May in a Bentley Bentayga, Clarkson in a Range Rover, and Hammond in a Jaguar F-Pace plan a road trip on the Romantic Road via Kissing, Bavaria, then Petting, Bavaria, to Fucking, Austria. After passing Landsberg Prison and staying overnight in Fucking, Clarkson and Hammond suggest to May that they should skip Wedding (Berlin) and head for the Nürburgring instead.

A mistake in the voice recognition of May’s navigation system leads them to the Nuremburg Norisring, after which the trio find a quarry to perform timed laps in. Clarkson cheats by climbing a hill and crossing the water to beat Hammond and May’s times by two minutes. Tim Burton crosses Loch Ness in a mini-submarine, which implodes before reaching the tent.

Eboladrome Lap Times

Lexus GS F
1:29:60 (wet)


0:01:13 – James May’s studio jacket in this episode was made from the remains of five other crashed jackets.

0:01:50 – Tea towel – The British word for ‘dish cloth’, conforming to the archaic UK law which says that 30 percent of all words must in some way relate to tea.

0:04:26 – Jeremy’s impassioned speech about speed cameras is of course inspired by the legendary Scottish film Gregory’s Girl. Not really, it’s Braveheart.

0:05:23 – The Lexus GS F has a 471 horsepower, 5-litre V8 engine. It can go from 0-62 in 4.6 seconds and has a top speed of 168mph.

0:08:35 – Animals featured in Jeremy’s Lexus film include an exploded fox, a fallen-over polar bear, a wrong-way-up badger and some broken birds.

0:15:21 – The legend of the Loch Ness Monster seems to date back to 1933, much like Richard’s jacket.

0:17:11 – Richard Hammond loves the Citroen Saxo VTS so much that after this show was filmed, he went out and bought one.

0:19:43 – The Bentley Bentayga has a 6-litre, twin turbo W12 engine making 600 horsepower. It can go from 0-62 in 4.1 seconds and has a claimed top speed of 187mph.

0:20:24 – The Range Rover Autobiography has a 5-litre supercharged V8 engine making 543 horsepower. It can go from 0-62 in 5.4 seconds and has a claimed top speed of 140mph.

0:20:36 – The Jaguar F-Pace S has a 3-litre supercharged V6 engine making 375 horsepower. It can go from 0-62 in 5.5 seconds and has a claimed top speed of 155mph.

0:21:00 – The magic car-opening bracelet on Richard’ Jaguar F-Pace is called the Activity Key.

0:23:52 – The stereo in James’s Bentley is indeed extremely powerful, but it’s also an option. One which, in the UK, costs £6300.

0:27:55 – The BMW X5M has a 4.4-litre twin turbo V8 making 567 horsepower. BMW say it can go from 0-62 in 4.2 seconds and on to a limited top speed of 155mph.

0:28:09 – James is right about the heritage of the SUVs. The Jaguar and Range Rover are bth made by companies owned by Tata of India and since 1997 Bentley has been part of the Volkswagen Group.

0:31:10 – Brian Sewell – English art critic. Also, the most well-spoken man ever to have lived. Probably.

0:37:49 – Tim Burton – Director, producer, writer and unexpected submarine enthusiast.

0:40:10 – The car in the launch control film is a Porsche 911 GT3.

0:51:11 – Aggregates fact: The setting for the SUV race is one of the biggest limestone quarries in Europe.


Related posts

The Grand Tour: Series 1, Episode 13 – Past v Future

Sean McKellar

The Grand Tour: Series 1, Episode 11 – Italian Lessons

Sean McKellar

The Grand Tour: Series 1, Episode 10 – Dumb Fight at the O.K. Coral

Sean McKellar

The Grand Tour: Series 1, Episode 9 – Berks To The Future

Sean McKellar

The Grand Tour: Series 1, Episode 8 – The Beach (Buggy) Boys Part 2

Sean McKellar

The Grand Tour: Series 1, Episode 7 – The Beach (Buggy) Boys Part 1

Sean McKellar


Stevie B January 28, 2017 at 8:33 pm

No laps of the Norisring track? have they finally said ‘No we can’t do that’ to something??

the guy with no name January 28, 2017 at 8:51 am

Good episode, Jezza was right the RR was the best.

Unfortunately all 3 cars are cocks’ cars. The Jag is for cocks who want to go about saying that they have a Jag that’s also a luxury SUV but can’t afford better, the Bentley is for footballers and their wives (as all Bentleys are) and the RR is bought by cocks who will never use it as the amazing off-roader that it is, but instead will spend their time in built up cities flashing it as a status symbol. :/


Leave a Comment