The Grand Tour

Amazon show in doubt after CEO Jeff Bezos assaulted

Amazon boss and space pioneer Jeff Bezos has reportedly been assaulted in a bar brawl in downtown Seattle, Washington last night. The assault took place while Bezos was celebrating with a group of senior staff members, along with presenters Jeremy Clarkson, Richard Hammond, James May and Executive Producer Andy Wilman.

Bezos and the group allegedly entered the upmarket Purple Cafe and Wine Bar establishment at approximately 7pm, and set themselves up at a private bar they’d booked out for the evening. It is said that they were celebrating the signing of the final edits for their new Amazon motoring show, with all involved drinking heavily into the night.

At around 11:30pm, patrons heard raised voices and shouting, before a scuffle broke out between Bezos and Clarkson.

A bartender from the Purple Cafe, speaking on the condition of anonymity, suggested the argument was about money. “The bald guy [Bezos] kept saying there wasn’t enough money left in the budget to pay the taller gentleman the amount they’d previously agreed on. The whole room fell silent. It was intense,” the bartender said.

“It went back and forth a few times, with the tall guy threatening to ‘bone’ the bald guy’s dog, before grabbing him by the collar and smashing him right in the face,” he said. “I think everyone was kind of in shock at what happened, as they all just stood there for a bit before stepping in and pulling them both apart.”

jeff-bezos-assaulted

Witnesses said Hammond and May pulled the visibly angry Clarkson aside and attempted to calm him down, while a very bruised looking Bezos was escorted from the premises before leaving in a private car. The remaining Amazon staff members left the premises soon after, while Clarkson, Hammond and May left roughly 30 minutes later via the rear entrance.

Sadly, it isn’t the first time Clarkson has punched a colleague over a seemingly trivial issue – just over a year ago he was fired from the BBC after punching executive producer Oisin Tymon in the face after an argument over a steak. This time though, the dispute seems to be over something far more important – money.

Clarkson’s antics might have just made things a lot worse though, with Bezos announcing this morning that the company was re-evaluating the viability of their new £160,000,000 motoring show, due to a shortfall in revenue and a plunging share price. “Our Amazon Prime streaming service hasn’t brought in anywhere near the level of revenue we expected,” Bezos said. “The growth that our investors were looking for… clearly we haven’t been able to live up to the hype. It’s a black eye against our name.”

amazon-press-conference

Bezos ‘black eye’ reference was made all the more poignant due to the fact that he was sporting one himself, almost like a ‘badge of honour’. When quizzed by reporters for an explanation about his appearance, Bezos declined to elaborate, referring to it as a “personal matter”.

We’ll keep you up to date as we learn the full story behind what has happened, but we can only hope that it was all a misunderstanding and Amazon reconsiders their position. At this stage all the hard work – the script writing, the filming, the editing – has already been completed and the new show is ready to go. It would be a shame for all that time, money and effort to go to waste.

For now, we can only cross our fingers and hope.

 

 

 

April fools!

 

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16 comments

sttephen wsmith April 12, 2023 at 4:08 am

Maybe someday… Please?

Reply
bar cu0stomer July 13, 2022 at 3:38 am

i really realyl really really really really really REALLY wish i could have been the guy at the bar i weould have done so many bad things to him

Reply
JC P April 2, 2016 at 8:19 am

I almost crapped my pants when I saw this…

Reply
the guy with no name April 2, 2016 at 7:04 am

I thought the article pic looked off.

Reply
Girfalco April 1, 2016 at 11:58 pm

Remember people, we’re April 1st… April fools…

Reply
Clarkson April 1, 2016 at 11:55 pm

Nice april fools joke

Reply
Ara April 2, 2016 at 5:03 am

What if you really are Jeremy

Reply
Sean McKellar April 5, 2016 at 7:48 pm

Mind. Blown.

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Chris Evans April 1, 2016 at 10:16 pm

Well this is great news.I was hoping for this long time. Clarkson, Sir You should return to Top Gear.People don’t respect me here ; I don’t even know how to drive a car.

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Chris Evans April 2, 2016 at 10:03 pm

Oh April Fool Joke…Fuck man back to boring work in Top Gear.

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Sean McKellar April 5, 2016 at 7:47 pm

Keep up the good work!

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amvj April 1, 2016 at 3:30 pm

Oh no. Not again. I was hoping the show to come up and trump Top Gear and all of a sudden this happened.

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Amvj April 2, 2016 at 12:25 pm

Thank god. That was just a April fool joke. I have high hopes for this new show. let these guys don’t mess it up.

Reply
cody April 1, 2016 at 2:25 pm

that was cruel. Wow

Reply
Robin April 2, 2016 at 1:08 am

This is really stupid April joke.

Reply
Sean McKellar April 5, 2016 at 7:47 pm

Glad you liked it 🙂

Reply

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