Jeremy Clarkson caught cheating

Contrary to reports in The Mirror, Top Gear’s Jeremy Clarkson was recently caught red handed being a faithful husband during his world tour with Top Gear Live last month.

Jeremy was accused of being accompanied by a “charmingly stocky brunette” while being driven to a Top Gear Live performance in Norway. The same brunette was seen leaving the Spektrum convention centre with Jeremy after the show and they were seen later drinking wine in the hotel’s rooftop bar, with Richard Hammond.

Bystanders were shocked that Jeremy would cheat on his wife of 18 years, Frances, in front of all the other bar patrons without making any attempt to cover it up. Jeremy was overheard discussing smutty topics with his drinking partner, such as a “fizzing sensation at the base of his penis” and whether or not a Mercedes SL55 AMG would “increase his chances of getting laid”. He was later seen shouting, before the two exchanged pleasantries and walked to their hotel rooms.

Allegations of an affair were quickly withdrawn however, when it was later revealed that the lovely brunette was actually James May. Sorry.

*Along with the article in The Mirror, this story is complete bollocks and should be viewed as a work of fiction.
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